Good weekend

I had a fun weekend, which included going to the park, three cookouts, some drinking, a wedding, dorky roleplaying, and an interesting girl named Mary.

I didn't attend my folk's cookout, which made me kinda sad. I should have forced myself to go. For some reason I just didn't feel like going into Hanover.

Went to Rocky Ridge park today with Vanessa

Created a myspace.com group

York artists check out the myspace.com group I created: Art in York Pennsylvania

Eventually I'd like to have gathering, shows, and stuff. I am going to e-mail some local agencies so maybe they'll post bulletins, etc.

Learning to be content again

I think I am still learning to be alone. It's tough, especially, when you're still hurt from how you ended up this way. I am by no means near the beginning of the process. I am well now. I am starting to feel good again.

I am not satisfied though. Not sure what I'll need to feel satisfied. A better understanding might help get me closer. Maybe satisfaction will only come when I have a feeling of moving on to a better situation. Perhaps I just need my self-esteem to return back to it's normal level.

I'd love to hear others opinions, so if you read this tell me what you think.

Adjusting and moving on

It's strange to me that I am still adjusting to the single life. I've been single for over two months. Part of the problem is I've kept in contact too much with the girl. It's been much easier to not want to talk to her now that I discovered she basically cheated on me. In her defense, I don't know if she did anything physical with the fellow before we split, but she did have things lined right up.

I've learned about what I need to do to make future relationships better. I am 99% positive I have A.D.D. The problem there is girl's think I am not paying attention to them. I know I need to be more attentive and affectionate so that the person I am with knows I care about them. I also need to be more open about how I am feeling. I've been doing pretty good with opening up. I feel more comfortable with talking to people about my thoughts and feelings.

Even though emotions still lingers from recent experience I think what's best for me is to move on. Emotionally I am getting beyond just finding someone to fill the emptiness left from being accustomed to having someone. I'd really like to take becoming obligated to anyone slowly.

NIN concert

I was at the NIN concert on Thursday in Philly. It was a good show. I have some pictures on my camera phone I want to post but I can't figure out how to get them off my Motorola V220. Kind of annoying. I am going to go to the Galleria today and talk to the Cingular guys and see if they know anything. Probably not, most of those people are clueless but who knows.

Reiteration for the goal of fortitude

I am in charge of my own life.
'Good things come to those who wait'
You cannot change the past so you have to let it go.
If you want something in your own life, then give it away.

Went to Cousler Park on Sunday and snapped some pictures. Here's one of them.

Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Seseme Street?

Ugh, another warm and beautiful day at home on my computer chair. Screw this I am going outside.

Wasting time at the bar

Recently, I've been going out to the bar on the weekend. Going out to the bar can be fun. Lately, however, it's been . . . how you say . . . discouraging. I don't really like drinking and I've been trying to quit smoking. Drinking typically makes you want to have a cigarette. I am going to go back to stricter enforcement of my no smoking policies. I want to spend my weekends doing more constuctive things than going to the bar. Ugh, I guess I've just been lonely lately.

Philosophical Banes: Confusion, Frustration, and Emotion

Confused: Being unable to think with clarity or act with understanding and intelligence.

Being confused often results from a lack scrupulous logical deliberation.

Frustrate: To cause feelings of discouragement or bafflement in.

What about when 'scrupulous logical deliberation' continuely frustrates your ability to come to a conclusion?

Feelings: Opinion based more on emotion than on reason; sentiment.

When should what you determine be a result of feelings?

Life not a track meet. It's a marathon

I love that Ice Cube lyric. It's so true. It boils well into the stew I've been cooking in my brain. I am trying hard to steer myself away from being ingrained with the all the instant gratification in today's society. I think it's destroying peoples patience; I know it's hurt mine. Sometimes you have to work hard at something for it to pay off. I need to look at the big picture and long-term goals more.

Building something great takes time, patience, perserverence, focus, and many times repeating steps over and over again. Too many people expect things too quickly and give up too soon. Most really good things don't happen naturally. They take hard work and commitment. When I say really good things I mean things that our psychies appreciate most.

Consume, be happy.

As some of you know I sell reprints of some of my artwork. You can order them here.

Remember to consume and be happy.

Patience

Patient: Capable of calmly awaiting an outcome or result; not hasty or impulsive.

Persevere: To persist in or remain constant to a purpose, idea, or task in the face of obstacles or discouragement.

Lately, I keep telling myself to be patient with figuring things out. Be patient with seeing what happens.

"Good things come to those who wait."

Mental reinforcement

I am in charge of my own life; a life in which I have the power to make opportunity for myself. I know that being selfish is the farthest thing from finding a state of happiness. I have learned much from my recent experiences, but I know I have more things to learn.

Cousler park

I've been hanging around Cousler park the last two days. I'm going to make it a daily thing for awhile. It's about a mile or so from my house. It's nice to go there and just walk around. It's suppose to be in at least the 70's all week. Although there is some chance of rain later this week.

Gordy, the evil poker bastard that takes everyones money.

I've lost my mojo!

Damn people. I was out at the bar last night. This totaly cute girl was quite obviously giving me the up and down. She did it like a dozen times. Stopped and stared at me in the eyes for some time.

I could not grow the balls to go up and introduce myself. There is more to it than that I guess but I don't want to trudge through all my feelings at this particular moment.

I guess the idea of being able to go up to a strange girl and introduce myself has been a foreign concept to me for so long.

I get by with a little help from my friends

I'd like to thank all of my friends for helping me get through being down lately. Having people to talk to has been helpful.

Determination

Self improvement requires determination not a casual resolve. Focus is result of determination and doesn't come without effort. Sometimes it takes an extreme effort, especially when habits are concerned.

A handful of habits I am trying to break myself from come to mind. I'm not going to mention them; I've identified them and that's all that is required. There are many obstacles in my way. In their very basic form they are almost all a form of fear.

Determination is needed to continue despite being in pain. Sometimes to suffer can be the greatest teacher of all.

Bad Choices, Bad Habits

Took this picture on Sunday when I was at Pinchot Park with Nate and Kristin.

Sick of being depressed

I decided today I am sick of being depressed. Let's see how it goes. Talked to Molly yesterday and finally felt some closure. Right now she's just not interested in being with me or with anyone for that matter, and I've accepted that; it was hard.

I am glad this morning I feel a lot better. I am still a little shaken by the whole thing but it's time for me to start working towards functioning normally again. I am going to start focusing on other things.

It'd be really cool to just start meeting some new people.

Anxiety

It was interesting to find that people that smoke actually do have a lower level of anxiety than people that don't smoke. Someone who is qutting smoking still has a much higher level of anxiety than a normal nonsmoker though.

With the exception of a couple smokes this past weekend it's been a month since I quit. I still feel restless too much for my liking. I am cutting out caffiene; hopefully this will calm my ass down.

I am starting to think some of it has to do with Molly and doesn't entirely relate to me quitting smoking. Anxiety and fear are closely related feelings. She's a tough egg for me to crack. We're suppose to get together today; I hope it goes well. I need to keep my composure and not be anxious. She was just so burnt out from her job and trying to see me. She is the type of person that feels way to obligated to who they are with. She was working longs days, lossing sleep, and making too much time for me. I feel like such a jerk for not realizing how hard it was for her.

Restless and Anxious

The one, two punch of being thrown in the singles club and quitting smoking has me feeling very restless and anxious. I think I need to focus on finding ways to relax a bit, a difficult task for me now-a-days.

I am thinking out cutting back on caffiene or perhaps quitting it all together. Caffiene is a motivator of restlessness and I need to subdue that.

I tried reading and that was ok, but it was kind of depressing. I'd like to work on recording some music. I am having a hard time focusing though. I keep thinking about too many things at the same time.