R.J. Reynolds this is for you.

R.J. Reynolds strikes back

Damn it. I smoked two cigarettes yesterday. I am not going to beat myself up about it though. I am going to stick to my no smoking at all philosophy and just consider this a hicup.

From Inventor to Champion

Extroverted, iNtuition, Thinking, Perceiving vs. Extroverted, iNtuition, Feeling, Perceiving.

When I got my Myers-Briggs test results in college I was an ENTP. I took the test again and my result changed to ENFP. Anyway I found that interesting.

The label typical associated with ENTP is 'Inventor', while the label associated with ENFP is 'Champion'. I like the latter better, which is good because that is the most recent result. We'll stick with that.

Enneagram Type scores

These scores seems off but . . .

3 - Type 1: The Reformer. The rational, idealistic type.
6 - Type 2: The Helper. The caring, nurturing type.
3 - Type 3: The Motivator. The adaptable, success-oriented type.
3 - Type 4: The Artist. The intuitive, reserved type.
5 - Type 5: The Thinker. The perceptive, cerebral type.
3 - Type 6: The Skeptic. The committed, security-oriented type.
6 - Type 7: The Generalist. The enthusiastic, productive type.
4 - Type 8: The Leader. The powerful, aggressive type.
3 - Type 9: The Peacemaker. The easygoing, accommodating type.

Three weeks without a cigerette

Well it's been three weeks without a cigerette; go fuck yourself R.J. Reynolds.

Find part-time job

I applied at Circuit City for a part-time job. I may apply around elsewhere. Staying busy will help me with the whole heart-broken thing. Meeting some new people will help as well. Also, I want to work somewhere that having a discount at would be cool.

I got a new car, 2000 Honda Prelude. *smiles*

Say 'Hello' to pictures

I got this program called 'Hello' which integrates with 'Picasa' and this site to make it super easy to post photos here on this blog. So I am gonna start posting pictures here more often yo.

~later, T.T.

Gotta keeping working on stuff. Gotta keep busy. Gotta stop missing her so much. 

Things to do

Get banks address from Apple
Call insurance company
Record music with Matt
Town Sound appointment at 3pm (Bring book to read)
Play around with 'Hello' account
Wait silently until at least May 20th
Apply for job a Circuit City

Change is good

I am a non-smoker. I am no longer negligent. When we stop changing for the better we are shooting ourselves in the foot.

I've decided to continue on with changing my lifestyle. I am going to buy a car. Did the budgeting, I can afford it. It might be a bit tighter. I might not be able to eat out as much, or drive all around at a whim, but that's ok.

Another change I want to make is keeping the house cleaner, but my roommate and her boyfriend are kinda sloppy. I am guilty of leaving stuff lie around myself, but I hate when people leave food messes which is primarily what they do.

Whenever they make food it's a mess that they rarely clean up. I am going to concentrate of setting a better example myself. Then I am going to change some more and be aggressive on letting them know they have to clean that shit up right away.

Still haven't smoked

I made it through another weekend cigerette free. I didn't go out or do a whole lot. I was pretty down. Took some pictures which was good.

I was really upset on Sunday. The whole dealing with being alone things is being really hard on me. It's not just that though. It's the fact the person I am missing was pretty special to me.

Life's tough sometimes. When this is all said and done the girl stuff and the cigerette stuff I will be a stronger and better person.

Tony Topper round up

Smoking
What a waste of years that was. I wish I would have quit a long time ago. I stopped smoking 'cold turkey' a short time ago. Ever since then I felt like a revived person.

deviantART
I have been working on getting more stuff on deviantART available to buy. I really don't think I'll be making any money off of it, but it's constructive and fun.

Money
My money situation has been a bit sucky lately. I need to batten the hatches so to speak. Getting my finances straightened out will help get me going on a good track which is what I really need right now.

Single
My emotions with this shit have been a roller coster ride. One minute I miss Molly so fucking much. The next minute I can't wait to meet someone new. Then next thing you know I don't want to deal with girls at all. Then all of this animosity for Molly spews into my mind. Then I get pissed at the folks that stood in the way of Molly and I's relationship.

I am resolved that I won't become bitter about all of this though. I am going to face my demons and overcome them. That's something I don't think Molly has done, which doesn't really make me happy but if that's the case this whole thing is her lose.

This weekend
I have a feeling it's going to be tough to stay upbeat this weekend. All of the things I've mentioned here are going to culminate together and make a soup. I need to stay busy and stay positive. Maybe I'll be nicely surprised by something, that would be nice.

Battling an instantly gradifying society

We live in what I have dubbed an "instantanium". Instant messaging, instant approval, instant access, instant weightloss. How do we battle against the 'instantanium'?

Lock yourself in your house, turn everything off and hide under the table. So it would seem sometimes that this is the only solution. Battling against 'instantanium' for me has required pacing things differently.

TV, credit cards, fast-food they anwser the 'Entertain me', 'Gimme', 'Feed me'.

Slow down. These problems have been known for awhile. Go read "The Tortoise and Hare".

On the Web:

Instead of... Hearing another vague anti-consumerism remark, I'd rather... (Humorous)

Battling Delayed vs. Instant Gratification

Sick of frick'n updates

Windows Updates, Java updates, Anti-virus updates, browser updates, driver updates, I am sick of all this updating crap. I am about to give up fricking computer they are driving me nuts.

A whole week

I've made it a whole week without smoking. I've made it through temptation and extreme anxiety. Things that really help me quit smoking were changing routines and reading books.

Now all I've got to do is get accustomed to being single/alone for awhile.

I remember to relax

"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it is hard to stay mad when there is so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I am seeing it all at once, and it gets to be too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that is about to burst and then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold onto it and then it flows thru me, like rain, and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I am talking about, I'm sure, but don't worry you will someday."

I was listening to the American Beauty sound track. This quotation from the movie kinda stuck with me.

Made it

Well I made it through the whole weekend without a smoke. I also got my bike fixed and started reading a David Eddings book, The Losers.

Starting to get into Duncan Sheik's music as of late.

I think I need to plan a trip out of town sometime soon. I am thinking not this weekend but next. Not sure where I'm going to go but I need to go someplace different. I probably should find someone to go along with me . . .

Another day without cigerettes

Well it's Sunday morning. I've made it through a lot of tempting situations this weekend, but I still haven't smoked. I am pretty proud of myself. I fall asleep and wake up better. I smell better. I taste better. I can exercise easier. I am not as sluggish anymore. I actually feel like doing stuff as opposed to just sitting around all the time.

Quitting update

Still haven't had a cigerette. 2 days and 21 hours. My determination to quit is set in stone. I will prove that I can change.

45 hours and counting

Haven't smoked for 45 hours. This morning I felt weird when I woke up. I felt much more rested than I typically feel. I still haven't started eating breakfast yet. I need to start doing that.

The Sun and Moon

Well it's been 36 hours since my last cigerette. The hardest times are when I think about Molly Myers.

After eating and after drinking a beer tonight were both tough.

I must continue on with the change. Changing in general will help with the whole quitting smoking thing. Friday I am getting my hair cut. I worry Friday will be really hard. I've got to find something to do. Sitting around and stewing over shit is something I need to avoid.

Right now I am getting nervous. I am entering one of those hardest times thought. I am going to go.

Nicotine Fit

It's hitting now. I will resist though. It's worst when I start thinking about this whole ordeal (the whole Molly thing) that has been upseting me so much lately.

My heart starts pounding like crazy and my reaction up until quiting has been to light up a cigerette.

I need to find some other form of reaction to these fits.

I think starting to eat breakfast would help me. Today after work I am going to the store to pick up some things: OJ, Milk, paper towels, saline solution, but not cigerettes :)

Then I am going to go home and lift weights with Steve. This is going to be hard since Steve smokes. I have been debating asking him not to smoke around me.

I'll probably go for a walk at Pinchot Park tonight. Since it's light out late now. I am going to bring my camera and tripod. I may call Molly and ask her to come along. I know the answer will be no but I must ask anyhow.

What do ya know.

A day after I announce I am going to quit smoking we find out Peter Jennings has lung cancer. I am going to quit this time around I can feel it.

Quiting Smoking: Update

Well I haven't smoked since I decided to quit. This is surprising considering how stressed out I have been. Once you get past the initial feeling of wanting to smoke it's actually less stressful if you don't smoke. If that makes any sense.

I feel tons better. Running at Rugby last night was so much easier. I could keep my breath. I can smell stuff I could never smell before. The one thing that has really helped is changing my daily routines. Taking different driving routes, since smoking and driving always use to go hand-and-hand, has helped alot.

Today I think I am going to get my hair-cut. I think this will be part of my sheading of smoking.

Anyway maybe I'll post again later today.

A new goal: Quit Smoking

I've decided it's time to quit smoking. I am going to log my progress here and make notes to remind myself why quiting is the right decision.

I am planning on doing the following things to help me quit.

Read books more.
Drink a lot of water.
Avoid drinking Alcohol.
Drink hot tea.
Eat breakfast.
Change daily routines.
Plan more activities to stay busy.